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Musician Travis Scott’s planned concert in Giza has been cancelled after Egyptian authorities revoked his permit, amid pressure from the Egyptian Musicians Syndicate.

The cited reason given by Scott’s production company was ‘complex production issues’ that meant the concert ‘could not be constructed’. Giza has been famous for thousands of years for throwing in the towel when construction ran into complex issues. The conflicting account from the Egyptian Musician’s Syndicate is that, ‘after examining social media opinions and feedback’ and ‘authenticated images and information about peculiar rituals performed by Scott during his performance[s]’, the performer’s ideology was deemed to conflict with their ‘authentic societal values and traditions.’

The controversy alludes to Travis Scott’s connections with Freemasonry. It has long been believed that Travis Scott, son of the 18th century Scottish novelist Walter Scott, has prolonged his natural life and sustained himself over the centuries by consuming adrenochrome sourced from ritual child sacrifices conducted by the Freemasons. Egypt, being on team Illuminati with their proximity to the pyramids of Giza, one of which is reported to contain the Eye of Providence, took swift action to turn away one of the figureheads of their rival secret societies.

A spokesman for the Egyptian Musician’s Syndicate, a shadowy cloaked figure known only as ‘Thothotep Amun Ramh-Ankh Khenemet Ramesses, The Seer Into All Souls’, issued a statement declaring that Travis Scott’s soul had been judged, and his heart found to weigh more than the goddess’ feather.

A statement in return from the Freemasons to the Egyptian Musician’s Syndicate stated that ‘your pyramids are shit, mate’, and that ‘you should have hired some real builders instead of poncing about in robes all day’.

Walter Scott has been reached for comment.

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