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Former Tennessee police officer Maegan Hall has released the details of the many sexual encounters that she had, often while on duty and on the police department’s premises, that led to her and four fellow officers being dishonourably discharged from the force.

The inquiry which led to the revelations was initiated after the Mayor’s Office received a tip from one of Hall’s jealous sexual partners (who was also one of the officers who was dismissed from the force in the aftermath). The subsequent confession, which extended to cover 61 pages, is already being described by some as ‘still a better love story than Twilight’. The interview in which the confession was recorded is reported to have lasted for several hours, as the police notary documenting the session found it difficult to type with only one hand.

Among the sexual activities recorded in the confession was Strip Uno, a game similar to Strip Poker, but more accessible to the police officers, as police departments are known to reject potential recruits who score too highly on administered IQ tests. Hall additionally engaged routinely in threesomes with colleagues, none of which included her husband – because if all this was not enough, she is also married to some poor bastard who sits up waiting for her to stagger through the front door at 3 AM, with a traffic cone on her head and no shoes. Incidentally, she lost her shoes while recording foot fetish pornography for one of her fellow officers.

Fortunately, she managed to get herself fired for her sexual impropriety, narrowly avoiding the shame of being a female officer who was fired for crashing her squad car for a fourth time, for which she was on a final warning for having crashed her squad car three previous times.

Hall’s regularly cuckolded husband Jedediah (who, to make the story more depressing, was also Hall’s childhood sweetheart) has somehow, unbelievably, decided to stand by his wife, and continue with their marriage. Hall managed to keep the other officers’ dicks out of her mouth for long enough to smile and say ‘he’s a wonderful man’.

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