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The London School of Economics has taken steps to appear more international by changing the names of its leadership structure and its academic terms to be more in line with its colonial cousins across yonder pond.

The directorship posts are to be renamed presidential posts for the benefit of our American friends. They will also be assigned various animal badges to more clearly signify their positions. The Board of Directors’ (soon to be renamed the Hall of Presidents’) meetings are also to be televised, and members of the public will be encouraged to cast votes in person or via mail to pick a side.

Edit: The plan for postal votes to be accepted have since been scrapped after accusations were made that the Russian international students were tampering with the ballot system.

Leadership structural changes aside, the most galling proposed change to Christian observers is the removal of the traditionally Christian names of the school’s term structure. The Christmas and Easter breaks are to be renamed Winter Break and Spring Break respectively, so that native English students can make their international student friends more comfortable by shouting ‘YEEEAH, SPRING BREAK, BABY! WOOO!’ The Lent term has also been renamed the ‘Loaned’ term, for ease of understanding, and the Michaelmas term (originally named after Michael Madsen, of Reservoir Dogs fame) is to be renamed the Autumn term, in a move that is sure to continue to confuse international students until it is re-renamed the Fall term.

The London School of Economics has further acknowledged that having London in its name is also culturally insensitive to those students originally from places further afield such as Italy, Sweden, or Manchester, and the Hall of Presidents has tabled a vote to move to rename the London School of Economics to the Antananarivo School of Economics. When asked what prompted the change, a representative of the Antananarivo School of Economics’ Hall of Presidents issued the following statement:

‘It’s the capital of Madagascar. That’s international sounding, right? Like that film with all the funny animals. My kids love that film.’

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